


No good.

by fairfaxphoenix



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First War with Voldemort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 10:43:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17806502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairfaxphoenix/pseuds/fairfaxphoenix
Summary: Sirius got a brother named Regulus, and Regulus ain't no good.Three moments in the life of Sirius and Regulus, two brothers on opposite sides of the war.





	No good.

**Author's Note:**

> Only minor mentions of Sirius and Remus' relationship.

I

_ Scotland, 1977.  _

 

“Drop it, Evans”. 

She’s pushing it, they all know it. Nobody talks to Sirius about his family, it’s been an unspoken agreement between them since they first started school. And specially, nobody talks to him about Regulus. 

“I’m just saying that he’s hanging out with Avery’s old gang and maybe you should have a word with him.”

Regulus had started Hogwarts just one year after them, and even when Sirius said from the first moment that he’d be in Slytherin like a proper Black Remus knew a part of him wanted his brother to follow his steps and depart from the family traditions. 

It wasn’t bad at first. Regulus would hang out with them from time to time, even, and in third year when they first got to go to Hogsmeade Sirius would always bring back chocolate and sweets for him. It was always harder right after the holidays and at the start of the year, when they came back from home. Sirius didn’t talk much about his parents other than the general complaint at having to go back to them after the school year, but they all knew that things weren’t good between them. 

“I can’t really tell him who to be friends with, can I?” 

Things started to turn sour in their fourth year. Regulus was invited to the Slug Club and his house pride just couldn’t be reconciled with Sirius’ constant bashing of everything pure blood related anymore. The gifts from Hogsmeade stopped -Sirius said it was because Regulus could go to Hogsmeade himself now so there was no point in him buying things for him- and the only times Remus saw him was during meals, from across the Great Hall, and at Quidditch games. Even James stopped praising Regulus’ skills in front of Sirius, and not long after his name was erased from their conversations all together. 

Sirius leaving their parents’ house didn’t help, and Remus doubted that the two brothers had exchanged a single word in the past year. Regulus would look at them from time to time, but he never came close and nobody offered to close that gap either. 

“You could try.”

“Oh, because that worked so well with you and Snivellus, right?”

They all fall silent, and James stares at him with an expression Remus has only seen on his face a couple of times. Sirius is only being hurtful because he feels attacked, but they’re not children anymore. 

“Sirius,  _ stop _ .” James’ voice is hard and cold, and Lily looks down as if she could make everything disappear by just ignoring the conversation. 

“I’m just saying she’s one to talk.”

“Sirius, I mean it.” 

He gets up and leaves without saying another word. It’s not Lily’s fault, but when she apologizes for bringing up the subject of his brother Remus doesn’t reply. 

“I’ll go talk to him.” 

 

\---

 

There’s a small space under the trees next to the Great Lake that’s the most private place you can go in Hogwarts without using the cloak or committing serious trespassing which has proven hard to do without the Map. Filch of all people got hold of it, thanks to Peter’s carelessness, so that’s something Remus will probably never see again.  _ What a shame. _

Sirius is sitting under the leaves, well hidden from view, throwing rocks at the water and still sulking. At least he’s in human form, which makes it somewhat easier to talk to him. When Remus sits down next to him he doesn’t look up, but his hands stop throwing rocks and he moves a bit to the side so his friend can be more comfortable. 

“It was rude of you to leave like that”. 

He snorts, but doesn’t leave and his hand remains within Remus’ reach. When he holds it, Sirius doesn’t move his away. 

“It’s not my job to dictate his life, you know?”

“I know.”

“And if he wants to be an idiot who follows our parents’ every wish, he might as well do so.”

He nods and leans against Sirius, resting his head on his shoulder. His friend keeps talking, convincing himself that he can step away from the situation and not feel guilty about it, but Remus  is not listening. In a couple of months, they will graduate and leave Hogwarts behind. This place in the world that feels so protected, where they don’t have to worry about the disappearances or the killings, will be in their past and they will be thrown into a war he would prefer not to be a part of. 

But it’s not as if he has a choice, and neither does Sirius. What are they supposed to do? Ignore what’s happening? Turn their eyes away like so many do, and pretend nothing is happening just because it’s not happening to  _ them _ ? But so what if we wants to pretend for another hour, if he wants to allow Sirius to pretend as well. Remus is only seventeen years old, and Regulus will still be there tomorrow, and the day after that, and the next one after that. There is plenty of time for them to face it, for Sirius to try and get some sense inside his head, for them to deal with the parts of the war that do sneak into their little haven from reality. 

He almost convinces himself, but then Sirius turns his face to him and kisses him softly, just once, and he doesn’t think about Regulus anymore. 

 

\--- 

 

They never speak of Regulus again. Lily doesn’t bring it up, and when one day Remus sees the group of Slytherin boys talking in hushed voices about the news of the war on the Daily Prophet he just hurries his steps and pretends he doesn’t hear them asking one of the boys to show them his arm. 

He’ll have plenty of time to deal with his outside the castle, and if Sirius doesn’t want to get involved there isn’t much he can do.

He does ignore his pranks. They had stopped over the summer between their 6th and 7th year, when more pressing issues started occupying their time and conversations. But if suddenly the robes of one of those boys, those boys who speak of the Dark Lord with admiration and push him around because his blood is not pure enough, seems to enlarge causing them to trip and fall, Remus is not going to think twice about it. Everybody trips from time to time, and people’s things are misplaced constantly around the castle. 

Never Regulus, though. 

Sometimes Remus catches him looking in their direction at meals, like when they were younger and there were no sides other than those at Quidditch matches. Sometimes he smiles at him, and the boy turns away as if burned. 

But Sirius never says anything about it, and Remus never brings it up. 

 

_ London, 1978.  _

 

They tell James first. It’s meant to sound as a passing comment, he’s sure of that, but Gallus waits until Sirius has left the room and his voice is merely a whisper against his ear. 

“I  _ saw _ him, he was there.”

“Are you sure?”

“He looks remarkably like his older brother, I can tell you that.” 

He’s glad nobody mentioned it during the meeting. The rest of them must know, the identities of known Death Eaters are shared promptly among Order members for safety. Usually they list all the new discoveries at meeting such as this -and new casualties, too- but Regulus’ name wasn’t mentioned. 

“Thank you, Gallus.” 

“Thought he should hear it from a friend.”

How old is he, anyway? Sixteen? Seventeen? Too young to be involved in this, that’s for sure. Then again, aren’t they all? 

 

\---

 

“How long until he finds out anyway? You  _ have _ to tell him.” 

He had felt like a traitor when he told Lily, Remus, and Peter. Sirius shouldn’t be the last to know -he and Regulus haven’t talked in what seems like ages, but he is still his little brother. Letting everybody but him in on the secret feels wrong. It feels like a lie. 

“I will, it’s just… it never seems like the right time.”

“I don’t think there will ever be a right time, Prongs, but you have to tell him anyway”. 

Remus’ hand feels warm over his. He shouldn’t be comforting James just a few days away from the full moon. In fact, nobody should be. This isn’t happening to  _ him.  _

“If you want, I can…”

_ No. _

“No, it should be me. I heard it first and so…” He pauses, and runs a hand through his hair as if the brave boy from his school days could be found hiding among that rebellious mess. “It should be me.”

“Maybe he won’t be so upset? He never talks about him, and they don’t even like each other.”

“He’s still his brother, Wormy. We may not always like our family but that doesn’t mean we stopped loving them”. 

Lily smiles when she speaks, but james can see the hint of sadness in her green eyes. A pang of guilt washes over him. When the war is over, when all this mess is behind them, he’ll try again with her sister and that awful muggle she’s dating. For Lily. 

“Maybe he’s not… I mean he’s so young, James, maybe he hasn’t fully joined them yet.”

“He has the mark, Lily. Gallus said he saw him grip his arm when… He has it, and you know what that means”. 

They’re still sitting in silence when Sirius walks in, a deep frown over his eyes. The war is hard on all of them, and he doesn’t want to pile up bad news on an already bad day. So he smiles at him and pretends, and ignores Remus’ stare when Sirius sits next to them and asks them what they were talking about. 

He’ll tell him tomorrow. There’s time.

 

\---

 

In the end, nobody has to tell him. Remus is on the kitchen one night, pretending as if potatoes are not the only thing he can afford to eat, when the crack of an apparition behind him alerts him. 

He’s supposed to ask their predetermined questions before he lowers his wand, but Sirius looks desperate,  _ broken _ , and in two steps Remus is holding him as his friend shakes with something that looks like fear but feels much deeper. 

“I saw him, Moony. He was there, he was one of  _ them”.  _

_ No. _

_ “ _ Pads, who…”

But he already knows. 

“Regulus” His voice is a whisper, almost as if he doesn’t quite believe it yet. 

“I’m sorry, Padfoot, I’m so sorry”.

Sirius falls to his knees and shakes his head. Pulling his long hair between his fists.  _ This isn’t how he was supposed to find out.  _

“He looked so young, Remus, and so scared. I can’t believe…”

His voice comes out in sobs, and his shaking becomes faster, more erratic, moving his entire body back and forth. 

“Maybe he didn’t join them, maybe he’s…” 

“Sirius, he is. You need to see…

“NO!” 

Remus flinches, but Sirius is bent over himself and doesn’t look at him once. 

“You weren’t there, you didn’t see his face. He didn’t look like them, he looked…”

“He’s done it before”. 

Remus’ hand hangs in the air, not quite on Sirius’ shoulder but close. His touch won’t soften the pain of his words, won’t make the months of secrets and hidden trusts suddenly okay. Would it have hurt less if they had told him before? Would he have believed it then? 

“He’s been with them for months”. 

Sirius raises to his feet without looking at him, and this time Remus does reach out to touch him. 

“Sirius, we wanted to tell you.”

“Let go of me.”

His voice is cold and sharp, and Remus almost recoils at the lack of emotion but holds on harder to him. 

“You have to listen to me, we thought…”

“Let. Go. Of. Me. NOW!”

He doesn’t hear the spell, but in a second his back is against the wall and Sirius is holding his wand high, still aiming at him.

“I’m so sorry, Pads. Padfoot. Sirius. Please…”

The crack as he disapparates cuts off the end of his sentence, and his legs give out from under him. 

He owls James before going to bed -just two words,  _ he knows _ , James will understand- and stays awake all night waiting to hear back from either of them. 

 

III. 

_ Godric’s Hollow, 1980.  _

 

“He should hear it from you, Moony.”

Lily comes back from the kitchen carrying their tea and he’d offer to help, a pregnant woman shouldn’t be making all that effort, but he’s still glued to his chair as James’ words resonate in his head. 

“How did he…?”

James just shakes his head in response. 

“We don’t know for sure. All we heard is what I just told you. He’s gone, and it looks like they killed him.”

Remus holds his cup of tea in front of his face, looking at his friends through the cloud of steam rising from it. He doesn’t want to do this, James shouldn’t be making him do this. Sirius never talks about his family, specially Regulus, and he’s delivered bad news before. Lately, it seems all they have to share with each other are bad news. 

“Why don’t you talk to him, James? You’re like a brother to him.”

“But you’re his…” James pauses, and suddenly seems quite interested on his tea. 

_ His what, Prongs?  _

“... roommate.” 

_ Really fucking brave.  _

“James…”

“It’s okay, Lily, I’ll talk to him. Somebody has to, he’s bound to find out anyway.”

_ And we don’t want that again, do we?  _

He knows he’s being harsh and unreasonable. He and Sirius are living together and the Potters have a lot on their plate at the moment, it makes sense that Remus tells him all things considered. And it’s not James’ fault if he needs time to come to terms with their new relationship -or at least, what he thinks it’s a new relationship. There is so much going on, so many changes, so many threats… 

He’s been told to apparate far from the house. Death Eaters could be tracking them somehow and in these times there’s not such a thing as being too careful. Lily walks him outside, wrapped in a cardigan that’s not necessary at all in the warm spring afternoon, but James insisted. 

“You know he doesn’t mind, right?” Lily says as she hugs him one last time. “It’s just hard for him with all that’s going on and the baby coming… it’s very new to him, he’s afraid of what would happen if it doesn’t work out.” 

This wouldn’t be happening if Sirius hadn’t insisted in telling them that they just got together now. 

“I’ll talk to him, he just needs time”. 

They all need time, and it’s the one thing they might never get. 

 

\---

 

Remus is sitting near the window when the door opens and Sirius enters the apartment they’ve been sharing for the past year and a half, after much insistence on his part. 

He’s smiling. There’s not much to smile for lately, their missions are getting longer and a week could go by without them seeing each other. The people they knew, the people they went to school with just a few years ago are dying or going missing, and everyday there seems to be something new to crush their hopes. 

“Moony, I have excellent news”. 

_ I don’t.  _

“Sirius, I need to tell you something”. 

He kisses Remus lightly on the lips and drops next to him on the couch, humming a muggle song to himself. Sirius smells of gasoline and leather, just like when they graduated and he flew him all the way to the Highlands on his motorcycle. 

“If this is about your schedule, forget it. I talked to some people, moved a few strings, and we’re free for a couple of weeks. We can go to the cottage in the woods and spend the full moon there, it’s been too long of you enduring them alone.”

Remus can’t argue with that, it really has been too long. During his last years at Hogwarts he was never alone, and neither the things after they graduated from school. But lately everybody has been busy and Remus doesn’t blame them -there is a war out there and he doesn’t want to bother them. 

Dumbledore has been asking him to contact a pack of werewolves in Wales and Remus can’t say no to him, not after everything he’s done for him, but it would be nice to run around under the full moon with friends one last time before that. 

“Thank you, you didn’t have to.”

“Yes I did, I’ve missed you”. 

He buries his fingers in Sirius’ hair -he has been talking about getting a haircut and Remus is going to miss the feel of his long silky hair so much. 

“Me too.”

His voice sounds sad and Sirius looks up to him, frowning. 

“You wanted to tell me something.”

“Yes, I…” 

“Is something wrong?”

They haven’t been together like this, just resting quietly on the couch, for days. Weeks, even. 

_ This damned war.  _

“It’s…” He swallows and closes his eyes. It’s easier if he’s not looking at Sirius. “It’s Regulus.”

Sirius tenses up next to him and Remus knows he doesn’t need to say anything more. 

“Are they sure?”

“It seems he tried to defect.” 

“When?”

“I don’t know. Padfoot…”

“That stupid kid!”

Sirius stomps around the apartment, running his hands through his hair and over his face. There’s no use trying to reason with him when he gets like this, but Remus wishes he could say something, do something, to make him stop and help him through this. There is no trace of that carefree smile he so rarely gets to see, and when Sirius finally speaks he sounds exhausted, as if the weight this war just crashed into him full force. 

“I know he brought this upon himself, hanging with that crowd, trying to hard to please mother…”

“No, it’s okay. He was your brother.” 

“He was a  _ Death Eater.  _ By choice, nobody forced him to.”

Sirius says it more to himself than to him, and when Remus reaches out he doesn’t move away.

“Sirius, you know it wasn’t easy for him.”

“I got away! Why couldn’t he do the same?” 

Remus holds him close, not minding that his shirt gets wet, and whispers his name over and over again in Sirius’ ear. 

“I left, Moony. I left him.”

“It’s not your fault, Padfoot. It’s not.”

He’s not sure Sirius believes him, and that night he only pretends to sleep. Sirius holds onto him until dawn, begging for him to never leave him, to fight, to never die on a mission. 

Remus doesn’t want to lie or make promises he can’t keep. And so, he never opens his eyes. 


End file.
